I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
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