i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
