last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
