??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
