I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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