Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
