So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
