Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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