i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
