this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
