so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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