I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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