Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
