thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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