My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
