I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
is it fun? or sober?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
