ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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