we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
