If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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