Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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