Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?