You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
21 Sketchy Drug Deals That Are Scary AF
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.