Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I just want to make out with him forever