The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Randomize
