splinters make it hard to masturbate
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
