Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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