There is no way he is gay with that hair.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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