I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
