im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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