In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
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I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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