there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Randomize
