I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize