It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
