if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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