I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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