I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
