So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
