i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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