my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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