Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
