I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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