Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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