I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
