my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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