you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
