I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize