I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
