Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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