We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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