Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I am midnight drunk by noon
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
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i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
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Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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