i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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