If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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