I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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