i dont even know how to be here
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
