my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
