he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
