those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
