I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
