All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
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How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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