I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
