idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
