meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize