i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
