I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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