I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
