YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
i drank out of a bidet.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
