dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You need a sexual gate keeper
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
