my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
