about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
