I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
