Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
