walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
