Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
