My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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