Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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