i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
