thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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