take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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