I'm lost and stupid without you.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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