That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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