so that wasnt chicken after all
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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