You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I wish they made helmets for livers.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
