I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
