Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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