I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
