I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
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We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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