dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
