I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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