just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
