Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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