We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
