i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
