I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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