You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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